Change, cravings and Nirvana

To the fountain of an eternal youth,

Once upon a time, there lived a boy who had no money to buy an extra plate of bread & rice and he could not afford even the cheapest public transportation.

After a few decades, this boy grew as a man and his life has changed.

Just to illustrate the degree of change, here is the sequence of events that happened to him in the last week which contrasts his rundown past.

In just 8 days, he hopped 5 international airports, flew 4 different airlines, stayed at 3 luxury hotels in 3 different destinations. His bath tub had aroma- therapeutic crystals and his quilt was custom-made; he was selective about the limousine he sat into as much as the expensive red wine he preferred to sip.

No, this is not a typical life of an affluent business tycoon but a reality about occasional events that occur in my life, just the way they happen in myriad men who struggled and stepped forward to experience things that they rarely or never did.

***

Please read between the lines; the above experiences do not characterize my real life.

It is true that I starved once, but what is not true is that I bathe in Jacuzzi, frequently.

While starving experience lives with me for the rest of my life, the extravagance would soon be forgotten. Infrequent experiences can only render us a temporary ovation, but not a permanent reminiscence.

What happened to me then was an incident that brought me closer to the reality of life.

What is happening now is an uncommon phenomenon, and I call them fantasies.

Fantasies are good, some times.

Here is a silly metaphor. Life often puts us in a spot, by making us appear like a bunch of men peeing in the urinals; none knows what to look at and look for.

Pleasant distractions in junctures like these are always welcome.

My last week’s experience was one such shift the gear actualization.

But here is the reality.

That is not me when I’m sitting in a swanky saloon sipping a sparkling wine.

That’s not me when I’m changing planes like the way I change my pants.

That’s not me when I’m living someone else’s life.

Having peddled bicycles for decades, why would ever bother about Audi’s RS5 launch in India?

Having written these letters by hand, why I would register for the RSS feeds for the 65004^th apps release? Why would I ever have an Omega watch after having two basic and inexpensive watches that do precisely what they are designed to do, without making a statement? 

That’s not me when I’m living someone else’s life.

***

Am I resigned to the glory of life?

Or, am I too cynical and old fashioned?

I don’t know …but here is my justification.

25 years back I questioned myself; what do I need, ultimately?

From then, the question remained the same but answers kept changing, preserving the imprecision and intuition with which I led and lived my life, all the way.

Not that the question has had a weak intellect; but answers apparently lacked resoluteness and consistency. I have realized that mind and heart with the changing time change their characteristics and this syndrome greatly influences the answers.

They bend to the extreme, after each goal is accomplished, after each desire is fulfilled.

For example, if I had asked myself a question 20 years back as to ‘who is the most beautiful woman I should make love to’ the answers would have no relevance in today’s situation.

Now do you know what I mean, when I say question remains the same and answers vary?

Isn’t it amazing to see the same old question yielding new possibilities? If you notice, the variance is not because of the oldness of the questions we ask; it is the newness that we seek in the answers.

And the whole equation changes!

Continuing my arguable cynicism, I compare life to a sine wave; a property that describes a smooth repetitive oscillations. The wave has a crest and it also has a trough. Both are caused by a periodic disturbance in space and time which happens primarily because of energy transfer. If you take the trigonometric lenses out and see this phenomenon through a simple prism of life, what you see is that the sine wave has a great bearing on some of the incidents of our lives. While the oscillation of life is controlled by time and space, our choices would affect the energy and thus the oscillation.

What happened to me in the last 25 years is the occurrence of similar marvel encompassing space, time and energy that kept me vigilant all the way; to look and to re-look at life’s limited opportunities and unlimited dreams.

***

So my next question was; do our cravings ever end?

I honestly did not get the correct answer.

But my honest impression is that Nirvana in some or other form, comes in everyone’s life.

For a few, Nirvana hits while life is beckoning and for many, it hits while life is dimming.

You hear these mid aged men who suddenly begin talking about satsanga, vipasana, kundalini dhayna…  etc?  Let these premature aberrations not be mistaken as Nirvana attributes.

I’m not eligible to talk about Nirvana though, but for sure I know that Nirvana is beyond transcendental knowledge and renunciation.

You may wonder why I’m sounding renounced.

Reason is simple; I saw my own life coming to a full circle.

Interestingly, the one I cherish the most till today is the first half of my life.

It is here when I walked miles without a penny in a pocket. I think I did some miraculous jobs like speaking to trees and stars.

There was no price tag on the pond that I swam, farm that I stole mangoes from and the food that I ate at those temples.

Nandini .. what more there was no price tag on your tight hugs and wet kisses.

The best things in life are free and all the free things stopped in my second half of life.

The second half snatched a carefree child within me and gave a greedy man who is lost, resigned and renounced.

Can you once more come and hug me before I walk the road that Buddha did?

***