To the most divine experience of my life,
Today, I’m going to tell you a story about a man’s nicety that changed the way I look at life, incalculably. This experience left me marveling at the faculty of nature that brings some of the most powerful stories without sensationalizing the overture.
***
At one point of time, I doubted my boss – Danny’s kindness, thinking that none can be so kind in a time and system we are in. It is strange, but we many a times become suspicious towards kindness beyond certain limits. Here is an example; if I ask a person a favor and if the person ends up giving two, instead of appreciating the gesture of a person, I start suspecting the intentions. If someone in a short span of time starts treating us lovingly, we become overcautious about the affection. Life is weird; it doesn’t know how to deal with goodness, especially when it comes in abundance. Desdemona was apparently killed by Othello by faltering on her fidelity on the same lines.
A day before I met Danny’s parents during my last visit to U.S., I and Danny were part of a program where we were supposed to share our life stories that shaped us and one of the senior executives while telling his life story shared ‘..I’m a good manager primarily because I’m a good father….’ This story had a lasting impact on me so much so that all the way from Santa Cruz till San Francisco I kept wondering as to what makes my manager, a good guy, a contemplation that almost detached me from the picturesque drive all along the valley. By the time we reached Danny’s house, it was almost eight in the night. A majestic looking Irish woman mostly in her early sixties, draped in a black sweater and a black trouser looked at me with her wide and beautiful blue eyes while she opened the door for us. It was Danny’s mother - who looked just like him ... very humble and simple. I went inside, sat next to her and spoke on sundry things. While I was busy explaining her as to how great boss her son is, I observed that Danny was busy talking to a man who just entered the house. I could hear a jovial rattle mixed with loud conversation and intermittent laughter that only two close buddies could have produced. I took no time to realize that it was his dad. Both were talking to each other as though they have been away for months while Danny was not home, for just one night. I was introduced to Danny’s father who for sure looked 15 years younger to his age because of his visible composure and contentedness. We talked about Ireland’s buoyancy; England’s dynasty and India’s prosperity and tried connecting three different countries through European thread in a completely disconnected land called America. Californian wine and the Tandoori chicken on the dining table were next points of contrasts. What was memorable on that evening was a delightful display of affection of Danny’s parents, to each other, to their son and definitely towards me. They complimented and treated each other like college going - teenage couple. Truly speaking, Mrs. Ryan was big little girl and Mr. Ryan was a dashing old young man and Danny of course, appeared like an innocent Montessori going kid. They were special parents; so was their son.
Danny would talk several office related topics that would make no sense to his old parents; Danny would explain every small little thing with great details and pain. Danny had abundant patience in explaining many complicated things. His parents had great enthusiasm in knowing things that they did not need to know. I was amazed to see how so called ‘bland’ things in their life occupied so much meaning. The affection, amusement, the appreciation, attention, animation admiration – their life looked picture perfect reminding me Mae West’s quote; you only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough!
***
That night, Danny’s father joined us to drive me back to hotel and on the way I told him with a pause ‘… You know ..I always wondered as to why your son is such a nice person. I think, I got an answer today. Yesterday one manager told the secret behind his goodness. Today I discovered it. Had I not met you today, I would have just compounded my confusion over your son by perpetuating my shallowness. Your son is the best boss that ever happened to me. Even if I emulate his 10% of niceness and yet fail, I would at least succeed as a good human being…’
To my comment, Mr.Ryan wore just a big smile of gratitude that created an endless ripple with no complicated meaning. For the next few seconds, silence did encroach the gratitude but the feelings were loud.
Back in the hotel, I struggled to get a quick sleep as I laid down on the bed, thinking about simple gestures of Ryan & Family and wondered about my own attitude of complicating things. I was a changed man. I called up Uma back home and said ‘.. you wanted to buy a new dining table, right? I have just deposited some money into your account. Go buy the best one.’
‘Nice…what’s the matter ... you are a little strange today?’ She responded curtly from India.
I explained her, with every details as to how I was deeply influenced by what happened to me and said ‘ Uma .. we are short of a one table to be a good family’. She laughed, incessantly.
‘I’m serious; a table would connect us to talk a few things that we don’t need to necessarily talk. I can talk Authentic Leadership to you and kids can talk Sheep in the Big City to me. It is a deal’ I concluded.
I knew, she was grossly confused, but in that confusion she was seeing a picture of a husband on tenterhooks who was set to return in a new avatar as well as a buyout father who was writing off kids stuff without being one, himself. Life changing events more often come in our lives like rains in a desert; they are evidences of a small wonders.
***
Here I’m … appreciating and supporting the reason to be nice.
Life gives us many chances to be kind more often than what we think it does, we just turn our back to the call, mostly because of our baggage or an unfounded self-image. Best thing today I realize is that I don’t need to make an effort to be different and kind; I must seek to be natural because being kind is such an innate, effortless but an endearing hallmark of mankind. Kindness doesn't need a second take.
Life gives us many chances to be kind more often than what we think it does, we just turn our back to the call, mostly because of our baggage or an unfounded self-image. Best thing today I realize is that I don’t need to make an effort to be different and kind; I must seek to be natural because being kind is such an innate, effortless but an endearing hallmark of mankind. Kindness doesn't need a second take.
Thanks Danny .. for holding a mirror and showing me two choices in life; one to live and another to exist.
